I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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