nut hugger
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
