there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
