Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
