my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
