I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
