Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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