I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
