He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
