Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
