so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
