so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
