It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
