So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
