we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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