I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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