He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
