Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
