I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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