I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
