I wish my penis had an off switch
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
