Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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