3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
