fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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