So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
