i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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