Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
