I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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