Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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