"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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