FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
