Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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