New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
