I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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