Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
