I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
