this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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