Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
