he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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