Jerry, you need to find god
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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