i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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