Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
