we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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