Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
