Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
