i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
