Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
