i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
