Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
