ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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