if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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