Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
