he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
